Joking!!! Hahahah

[FrimmerStarstone]

Hi I was bored so I thought that I would make this thread. It is for joking around, making jokes, laughing at jokes and by the way did I mention jokes? any way I made this one up,

Q.What does B.A.C.O.N stand for?

A.Biologically Altered Chemically originated Nose

I know not that funny but I was bored. Anyone else go a actual funny joke?

[Preacher777]

What is green and has wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

How do you confuse a blonde?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

[Carpet]

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."

[FrimmerStarstone]

Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."

I could not stop laughing!!!!!

[Carpet]

Old man comes into a restaurant, sits at his usual table, and orders the usual — matzoh ball soup.


The waiter sets it down in front of him, and stands back to watch him enjoy it. But the man just sits there.


“Is there something wrong?” the waiter asks.


“I can’t eat this soup,” the man replies.


“Is it too hot?” the waiter asks. “No.” “Too cold?” “No.” “Too salty?” “No.”


The waiter calls for the maitre d’, and for the chef, and each goes through the same routine: “Too hot?” “Too cold?” “No, no no.”


Finally the chief, at his wits end, says, “Sir, I will taste the soup myself. Where is the spoon?”


Says the old man: “A-ha!”

[FrimmerStarstone]

Carpet did you used to be a comedian those are good
jokes

[Carpet]

In the beginning, God created heaven and earth.


Shortly thereafter God was in receipt of a notice to show cause why he shouldn't be cited for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a temporary planning permit for the project, but was stymied by a Cease and Desist Order for the earthly part.


At the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.


Then God said, "Let there be light."


Officials immediately demanded to know how the light would be made. Would it require strip mining? What about thermal pollution?


God explained that the light would come from a huge ball of fire, and provisional approval was granted with the proviso that no smoke would result.


The authorities demanded the issuance of a building permit, and (to conserve energy) required that the light be left off half the time. God agreed, saying he would call the light "Day" and the darkness "Night." Officials replied that they were only interested in protecting the environment, not in semantics.


God said, "Let the earth bring forth green herb and such as many seed."


The EPA agreed, so long as only native seed was used.


Then God said, "Let waters bring forth creeping creatures having life; and the fowl that may fly over the earth."


Officials pointed out this would require approval from the Department of Game coordinated with the Heavenly Wildlife Federation and the Audubongelic Society.


Everything went along smoothly until God declared that he intended to complete the project in six days.


Officials informed God it would take at least 200 days to review his many waiver applications and environmental impact statements. After that there would have to be a public hearing, and then there would be a 10-12 month probationary period before....


At this point, God created Hell.

[FrimmerStarstone]

My mother came to the door; 'Lance, get your a$$ in the house!' I said, 'Oh, Ma, I don't feel like coming in the house!' I didn't even see where the skillet came from. I just staggered into the house. It wasn't even the right house, it was just the first house with the door open.

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

A: Shoot him before he hits the water.

A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.

The e-mail reads:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here

[Carpet]

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn.


The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. "Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled, "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up."


"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."


"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.


"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."


After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host and said, "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."


"Don't be foolish," the neighbor said with a smile, "by the way, where is he?"


"Under the wagon."

[asd123]

May I request moving this to Forum Games?