Jokes

[Soewut]

That slightly confusing ... Wouldn't it make more sense if it ended with the bar was closing?
But still funny!
I guess...

[Roflcopter3399]

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

[BlairTheGod]

Donald Duck goes into a bar to go have a drink or 2. He grabs something out of his pocket, and a police officer walks in and wonders what Donald Duck has. The police officer walks over to Donald and asks, "Excuse me, sir, but what is that in your hand?"

Donald Duck says, "Quack".

Get it? I know it's short, but...

[Roflcopter3399]

What?
I don't get it.
Quack?
OHH CRACK OHHHH

[BlairTheGod]

What, my joke isn't funny? My friends think it's funny...

[ashtonfarell]

My funny joke
Yoga teacher to a woman: Has yoga any effect over your husband’s drinking habit?

Woman: Yes, An Amazing Funny Effect !! Now he drinks the whole bottle standing upside down over his head.

[Trexmaster]

>The teacher at school said to the kids:
- If someone feels dumb, please stand up.
No-one stands up, except John. The teacher is amazed:
- Do you feel dumb, John? she asked.
- No, but I didn't want to let you the only one stading up.


>Two guys drank in a bar. After 5 hours of drinks, dead drunk, they leave the place. After a couple of steps, one of them tells the other:
- Dude... I forgot to piss...
- Don't worry man. I'll show you how.


>In a wagon, there was an american, a russian and a romanian. They made a bet when they know which country is his by lending their hands outside the window. After 2 hours, the american, with his hand lend outside, said:
- This is my country.
- How's that? the others asked.
- My hand collided with a building.
After 5 hours, the russian, with his hand lend outside, said:
- This is my country.
- How's that? the others asked.
- Someone just shot me with an AK.
After 14 hours, the romanian, with his hand lend outside, said:
- This is my country.
- How's that?
- My rings and my Rollex watch were stolen.


> What is the culmination of asking a girl her hand?
You ask for her hand but you get her father's bootmark in your a.s



I remember this old jokes. I'll remember more is someone thinks they're worth reading them.







*If someone's offended, I'm sincerely sorry and didn't mean any offensive phrases. That's how the jokes were created.

[AuburnAttack21]

>In a wagon, there was an American, a Russian and a Romanian. When they arrive at one of their countries, they always know if he's in his country by holding his hand outside the window. After 2 hours, the American, with his hand outside, said:
- This is my country.
- How's that? The others asked.
- I can see my house.
He got off there.
After another 5 hours, the Russian, with his hand outside, said:
- I don't think we're going to make it to my country.
- Why's that? The Romanian asked.
- Because my hand is touching water.
The Russian and the Romanian drowned in the Bering Strait.

There, I fixed it up for ya

[Forum_surfer]

3 girls are running away from the cops, they all murdered someone.
The 3 girls run into a warehouse.
All of them see a 3 empty potatoe bags, they jump in and hide.
The cops chasing the girls run into the warehouse and cant see any of them.
The chief spots out the 3 bags and tell's his assistant to kick them and make sure they arent hiding in there.
The assistant approaches sally's bag and kicks it. Sally impersonates a dog whimper sound.
"Chief, its just a dog" "Check the next bag"
The assistant approaches Jamies bag and kicks it. Jamie impersonates a cats scream sound.
"Chief, its just a cat" "Check the next bag then"
The assistant approaches lynda's bag and kicks it. Lynda hesitates and makes no sound.
"Kick it again!"
Still no sound.
"Kick it once more"
Lynda screams "POTATO GOD DAMNIT!"

BUSTED

The 3 Grils lined up for execution in a federal prison.
Day 1:
Sally the redhead is escorted into the fiering squad room. There stands 8 military men with their blanks and a bullet loaded. The warden ask's sally, "Do you have any last words?" Sally say's "no sir" Warden say's "Very well then. Guards, Ready...Aim..." Sally interupts in a burst screams "EARTHQUAKE" All the guards and people around, even the warden drops on the ground, ducks their heads and takes cover. In the mean time, sally gets away! No signs of sally since!
Day 2:
Jamie the brunnette is escorted into the fiering squad room. There stands 8 military men with their blanks and a bullet loaded. The warden ask's jamie, "Do you have any last words?" Jamie say's "No sir" Warden say's "Very well then. Guards, Ready...Aim..." Jamie interupts in a burst screams "TORNADO" All the guards and people around, even the warden drops on the ground, ducks their heads and takes cover. In the mean time, Jamie gets away! No signs of jamie since!
Day 3:
Lynda the blonde, Time passes and lynda studies how the two girls got away and has a plan. Lynda is escorted into the fiering squad room. There stands 8 military men with their blanks and a bullet loaded. The warden ask's Lynda, "Do you have any last words?" Lynda say's "No sir" Warden say's "Very well then. Guards, Ready...Aim..." Lynda screams "FIRE!"

[slayerman]

Are Yo mama jokes allowed?